The seriously impressive Megan Dalla-Carmina, a strategist, coach, writer, speaker and researcher, penned a timeless article titled “The truth about becoming more confident”. In her words, building confidence takes babysteps.
Like purpose, confidence does not strike us all at once and from that moment on we conquer the world. No, confidence and for that matter purpose, is something that we continue to seek by taking small steps, our whole lives.
In fact, more recently lack of confidence, not competence is what is attributed to women holding themselves back in the corporate world the idea behind The Confidence Code by Katty Kay & Claire Shipman.
So as a parent how can you support your child’s journey, so that they continue to build their confidence?
Partner with them to identify triggers – by asking them what are the triggers that suck the confidence from them? For some it might be speaking in front of the class, being unprepared for a test, or rushing an assignment, playing in team sports. It can be anything and it isn’t always the most obvious.
Next step ask them to identify the stories that they are telling themselves. In our last blog post we cited the work of Melissa Ambrosini “Mastering your Mean Girl” whose work, like Megan Dalla Carmina, recognizes that at times, the voice inside our heads runs riot, stripping away all our confidence. It’s a constant battle to silence it, but by learning to tune in and observe it, and let it pass without judgment or tackle it head on with the question “Is that true?” will not only start to quieten it, it will become an ally.
“The questions we ask shape our lives and can alter our reality.”
– Megan Dalla Carmina
Get to know the things that boost your children’s confidence by asking them to identify what makes them feel cool like a cucumber. It might be laying out there uniform and sports gear, musical items for the next day so that they wake up feeling in control. Another might be planning out when their assignments are due, or if public speaking times where they have spoken up and felt good doing so. Try to get them into a routine, as it is not what we do occasionally but what we do everyday, which will have the biggest impact on changing our lives.
Finally, a simple “you’ve got this” never goes astray!
Share your thoughts, and suggestions with us on what boosts you or your children’s confidence.
Protecting our children comes naturally as a parent, what doesn’t come as naturally is protecting them online. Knowing about potential risks and how to deal with them is the best protection to managing online risks and consequences.
- Cyberbullying
- Inappropriate, offensive or illegal content
- Sexting
- Unwanted contact
- Online pornography
- Trolling
Bullying is a timeless issue that continues to morph into new forms. Today, we talk about it; communities continue to come together to overcome the silence and humiliation.
At present cyberbullying is a hot topic and it is one that parents often feel helpless at managing, as they have never experienced it in this form. As a parent of a boarder your presence in their online life is important. It is finding a way to be there in a way that makes them comfortable that will enable you to equip them with tools and advice for them to test their own problem solving skills and build resilience.
A fantastic resource to help you navigate these choppy waters is the Australian Government’s esafety website, which provides free resources, articles, conversation starters and other information etc.
Our top 5 takeaways from their cyberbullying page include:
1. Listening without judgment – building trust by working together to fix the situation
2. Reminding them you are always there to help, no matter what
3. Setting expectations – letting them know your policy on cyberbullying including if they are perpetrator or victim
4. Building resilience – both tactically and strategically
5. Take action immediately – the internet acts fast
Also check out the ABC who are showing ‘Bullied’ with Ian Thorpe (2 Episodes) and also ‘Cyberhate’ with Tara Moss (6 Episodes). Both are available on ABC iview.
Sexting is another major concern for parents, especially when phones are not physically accessible for monitoring. It is one that we will explore in the April newsletter.
Do you have any insights into dealing with cyberbullying? Please feel free to share these in our comments.
Teenage years means an appropriation of space – emotional, intellectual and physically – from an adult. Whilst parents of boarders have accepted (but may not have overcome) the physical separation, it is often the emotional and intellectual separation that can be the hardest to manage.
As a sister of a younger brother, with a very close relationship with my parents, I have witnessed and experienced firsthand what it is like to not have a teenage boy communicate. It’s hard to remember the exact moment when he turned from being a talkative family member, full of excitement, adventure stories and love, to a 6.3ft, “top banana” whose music, fashion, friends were, as he was concerned, far cooler than mine. In fact, we are now in our late twenties and not much has changed. He doesn’t phone (only when he wants something), takes days to respond to SMS, and emails go through the keeper, which made me realise that as parents of young men, you may need advanced warning, or advice to keep you going. Note, he is totally charming when we invite him for a meal (so, take hope).
Now there has been extensive research into this common phenomenon. For example Dr John Coleman wrote a book “Why won’t my teenager talk to me?”. But as commentators have stated, it is likely to be because “they think you are boring” – Tim Lott. But, you’re definitely not.
So here our are top 8 tips in changing the way your teenage views you, so that you can get more than just a grunt out of them.
- Find ways to praise their appearance, which is growing and developing. You may get a “whatever” or an eye-roll but everyone like receiving compliments.
- Don’t sweat the small stuff – how long their hair is, their scuffed shoes etc. Let the teachers, boarding masters / mistresses deal with those.
- If your communication with them isn’t working stop using that channel. Try a new one.
- Enjoy the small moments of connection – it might be a taunt, lingering at the dinner table, an offer to help clean up, an update by sms
- Find ways to laugh together
- Get back to living your amazing life – rediscover passions, go on new adventures your children will be inspired
- Regularly review and redefine boundaries with your partner – make sure you are aligned on parenting as they grow up e.g curfews
- Pick your battles and the times when you want to have them – late at night, before a test (even when they are the ones stressed and angry for not being organised)
We’d love to hear what works for you. Please share your thoughts below; you never know whom they might help.