By the middle of Term 3, most boarding parents are running on equal parts caffeine, calendar alerts, and grit. I’ve had quite a few conversations of late with friends who are really struggling – whether that’s with an unruly boarder or the exhaustion of logistics – I thought it timely to share some lived experience and gained wisdom.
The excitement of the year’s start has worn thin, the winter sports season has stretched weekends into long, cold days on the sidelines, and the reality of another term’s worth of bills, travel, and emotional load has landed with weight.
It can also be the time of year when both parents and boarders hit a wall. Children are tired, parents are tired, and it can feel like the road to the next school holidays is far too long.
For many rural and remote families, that road is also paved with kilometres of highway, less than ideal nutrition (let’s face it Maccas on repeat just doesn’t cut it), and younger siblings often in tow. It’s not unusual for a weekend at this time of year to mean an incredibly lengthy round trip to watch rugby or hockey or whatever your boarders’ winter sport is, only to turn around and juggle feeding stock or attending younger kids’ commitments at home.
When you visit your boarder, remember that time together as a family is just as important as time spent with their friends (or yours). Shared meals, quiet catch-ups, and simple routines remind your child where they belong. Friends matter, of course – but family anchors them, especially when they’re feeling tired or unsettled.
If you are feeling stretched right now, you’re not alone. While my boarding days are behind me I remember them well. 17 years of the juggle (including uni and college) and I learnt a thing or two. Every boarding family hits the post mid-year dip in their own way. The important thing is knowing how to manage it – for yourself, your family, and your boarder.
The Parent Load: More Than Just Travel and School Fees
We often talk about the fact that boarding school isn’t just about the child who’s away – it’s about the whole family. Parents often underestimate the cumulative strain of balancing:
- The practical load – travel, sporting commitments, term bills, uniform costs, and boarding fees often all peak in Term 3.
- The emotional load – children may struggle with homesickness, conflict with friends as the tiredness sets in, or pressure from schoolwork. And let’s not forget Year 12 families here! Parents often carry the guilt of not being able to be everywhere at once.
- The family juggle – younger siblings can feel left behind or frustrated with the constant travel, while parents are pulled between households, communities, and commitments.
The reality is, even the strongest families feel it. Some weeks, simply getting everyone where they need to be feels like an Olympic sport and constantly leaning on mates back home to look after younger kids only exacerbates the guilt trip that runs parallel to the literal road trips.
When Behavioural Challenges Surface
For many boarders, fatigue and distance make behavioural issues more noticeable in the back half of the year. A child who settled well in Term 1 may suddenly be testing boundaries, skipping responsibilities, or clashing with friends.
This doesn’t mean you’ve made the wrong schooling choice. It means your child is human, and the demands of boarding school life sometimes spill over. Homesickness can resurface, friendships can change, and tiredness can amplify every bump in the road.
So, what should you do?
Communicate early and often
Don’t wait until issues escalate. Boarding staff and house parents want to work with you. Share your observations, even if they’re small: “He sounded flat on the phone this week” or “She seems unusually short-tempered when home.” These details help schools support your child in real time and can really show that you are also empathetic to the boarding staff’s situation in managing so many different personalities.
Ask for a team approach
Behavioural challenges rarely fix themselves. Ask the school to involve the right staff – boarding, teaching, wellbeing – so strategies are consistent. Children feel most supported when home and school are on the same page.
Remember, it’s not personal
When a child lashes out or withdraws or disrupts the status quo at boarding school, it’s easy for parents to feel blamed or criticised. Often, though, these behaviours are a cry for help, not a reflection of parenting. Schools understand this more than most. They’ve got more experience than you – and perhaps even more understanding of how your boarder is coping in certain situations that you’re not familiar with.
Grounding in Family
While it’s natural for boarders to want to spend time with their friends, particularly as they get older, don’t underestimate the grounding effect of family. Visits are a chance to reconnect, slow down, and strengthen bonds that can be frayed by distance. Those moments together remind your child they’re supported, loved, and never on their own. And can quite often be the simple ‘reset’ they need. Consider picking your boarder up and heading somewhere else…up the coast, to another town… somewhere to remove them from the pressure of being ‘social’. We would sometimes pick the kids up and head up to Avoca Beach (about an hour north of Sydney) – even in winter. And the accommodation was actually cheaper than in the big smoke!
Knowing When to “Rest” Your Boarder
Sometimes, the most supportive step a parent can take is recognising when their child needs a break. “Resting” a child from boarding school doesn’t mean failure. In fact, it can be a healthy way to reset.
Things to consider:
Talk openly with the school – be upfront about your reasons. Schools are often very willing to hold a place and support the family plan.
Set clear expectations with your child – this is a rest, not a permanent withdrawal, unless that’s what’s best long-term.
Keep connections alive – encourage your child to maintain contact with friends and staff during their rest. That continuity helps with the return.
Most importantly, know that your family’s wellbeing comes first. Schools want students to thrive, not just survive, and they’ll usually back a plan that keeps a child engaged and healthy in the long run.
Looking Ahead to Term 4
If Term 3 feels like a grind, Term 4 can sometimes feel like a sprint finish. Final assessments, school concerts, speech days, summer sport, travel arrangements, and end-of-year costs can hit all at once. Gosh I’m exhausted just writing this – reliving it with every word.
That’s why now – halfway through Term 3 – is the time to check in with yourself and your family. Ask:
- Do we need to scale back travel commitments for a few weeks?
- Can we share the load with another family for weekend sport?
- Is there a conversation needed with the school before Term 4 ramps up?
- What support do we as parents need right now?
- Can we spend one of our weekends together in a different location – not too far but far enough for a ‘break’?
Sometimes the smallest tweaks – carpooling, saying no to one weekend, leaving younger siblings back home, bunking in with a friend for the weekend visit to school, getting right away from the school’s location for a night or two with your boarder – can make the biggest difference in how sustainable the rest of the year feels.
A Word on Costs
For many of us, the financial pressure of boarding never really goes away. By Term 3, when travel for winter sport is at its peak and invoices are landing again, it can feel suffocating.
It’s okay to acknowledge this. Talk with other families – you’ll often find they’re feeling the same pinch. Some schools also have hardship funds, bursaries, or short-term payment plans available. It’s always worth asking rather than struggling in silence.
Our kids went through during two of the toughest droughts we’ve ever known. Conversations with bursars are not difficult – I promise. They’re human and they understand.
Remember, the decision to send your child to boarding school is already a huge financial commitment. You are not failing by admitting it stretches you. You are doing your best to give your child opportunities, and that in itself is a strength.
For Families Struggling Right Now
If you take away nothing else, let it be this: you are not alone. Every parent in the boarding school world has a moment – often right around now – where it all feels like too much. The key is reaching out before it overwhelms you.
- Reach out to your child’s school
- Reach out to your community (friends, family, neighbours who understand the rural juggle)
- Reach out to fellow boarding parents (the ones on the sideline next to you are often living the exact same chaos)
- Reach out to us – we have conversations with hundreds of families every year, we have decades of lived experience …and let’s face it, I love a chat.
The boarding journey can feel long at times, but it doesn’t have to be lonely or overwhelming.
Have Your Say and Help Shape the Boarding School Journey
We know these challenges aren’t just personal – they’re systemic. That’s why we’re asking families like yours to take part in our survey: Have Your Say and Help Shape the Boarding School Journey.
Whether you’re just starting to think about boarding school or are already deep into the journey, your voice matters. We want to hear about the research, the preparation, the reality – the good, the bad, and the in-between.
Your feedback will:
- Help improve transition support for new boarders
- Highlight common challenges and wins
- Shape podcast conversations and expert interviews to help others
- Support advocacy for fairer educational access for rural, regional and remote families
The survey takes less than 10 minutes. Some answers may even be shared (anonymously) in quotes or podcast episodes to help other families feel less alone.
And here’s the bonus: complete the survey and include your details to be included in a podcast episode for a chance to win $500.
The Survey is closing soon so hook in! I’d be so grateful as will the families coming up the ranks behind you.
