I’ve Found the Secret to Choosing a Boarding School
It’s called Big Boarding School Energy, and once you know what you’re looking for, you’ll spot it so easily.
I’m going to let you in on a secret.
After years of standing in rooms full of boarding schools, talking to boarding staff, meeting Heads, watching students, listening to parents and generally observing the whole fascinating business of families trying to choose a school, I’ve developed my own highly technical selection methodology.
I call it BBSE.
Big Boarding School Energy.
And before every Head of Admissions in Australia starts feverishly rewriting their prospectus, BBSE has absolutely nothing to do with having the biggest boarding house, the grandest sandstone buildings, the highest ATAR average, the flashiest rowing shed or the most impressive school crest.
BBSE is the energy.
The vibe we often talk about here.
That feeling you get when you meet someone from a school and think: Ohhh. These are our people.
And I reckon parents should pay much more attention to it.
The Expo Test
I see this play out constantly at Boarding School Expos.
Parents arrive thinking they need to ask about subject choices, academic results, boarding numbers, sport, fees and facilities. And yes, you absolutely need to know those things.
But I’m watching something else. I’m watching the energy between you and the person standing behind that school display.
Are you laughing?
Are they curious about your child?
Did they ask where you live and actually understand what that means?
Did they want to know what your child loves doing when they’re not at school?
Or did they launch straight into ATAR averages, new facilities and the school’s latest achievements before finding out whether your child is horse mad, painfully shy, sports obsessed, theatrical, academic, gloriously outdoorsy or happiest quietly reading a book?
That interaction is giving you information.
And here’s the important bit. The person with the biggest personality does not automatically have the biggest BBSE.
It has to match your energy.
If you’re an outgoing, vivacious family who loves getting amongst it, pay attention to the schools where you immediately feel that same warmth and momentum.
If you and your child move more comfortably in a gentler environment, don’t be seduced by the loudest person in the room. Find the person who makes you exhale. The one who listens. The one your quieter child starts talking to without you having to answer on their behalf.
That is BBSE too.
The coolest school representative in the room is simply the one who feels coolest to you.
Because true staff BBSE is grounded and approachable. It says, without needing to actually say it:
We will know your child here. You know I still tear up at the thought of this. It’s true and you will know when you ‘meet’ that energy.
Then Meet the Kids
This is where my BBSE radar really switches on.
When you visit a school, watch the students.
Not just the prefect who has been selected to lead your tour and can recite the school history backwards while walking at speed.
Watch the others.
The kids coming out of class. The boarders wandering into the house. The Year 12 student passing a Year 7 student in the corridor. The child who happens to be sitting in the common room when you walk through.
Do they look comfortable in their own skin?
Can they look an unfamiliar adult in the eye and have a conversation?
Do they seem relaxed around staff?
Do older students acknowledge younger ones?
Do they laugh?
Real BBSE isn’t robotic perfection. In fact, I’d be slightly suspicious of robotic perfection.
It is confidence without arrogance. Easy manners. Genuine camaraderie. Kids who can speak for themselves without glancing nervously at a Housemaster to check whether they’ve said the approved thing.
You’re not looking for polished little PR representatives.
You’re looking for signs that these young people feel like they belong.
The 3:30pm Shift
Now we get to the really good stuff.
Because every school can look magnificent at 10.30am on Open Day.
The lawns are immaculate. The banners are fluttering. Someone has put flowers on a table. The new science centre is sparkling.
Lovely.
I want to know what happens when that final bell goes….
What does the boarding house feel like when the school day finishes and everyone comes home?
Because that is exactly what it is meant to be.
Home.
This is where genuine BBSE reveals itself.
I want a boarding house that feels lived in. A bit of noise. Bags dumped somewhere they probably shouldn’t be. Toast happening. Kids wandering in and out. Common rooms that look like children actually use them rather than spaces styled for a brochure.
I want boarding staff who know who had a terrible maths test, whose Mum is arriving on Friday, who has footy training, who is homesick and who just needs feeding before anyone attempts a meaningful conversation.
Ask yourself: does this feel warm?
Does it feel emotionally safe?
Can I picture my child walking through that door at the end of a hard day and feeling relief?
That’s BBSE.
And Here’s the Amanda Ferrari secret to top it all off….
Big Boarding School Energy is completely subjective.
That is the whole point.
Big does not mean prestigious. Big does not mean expensive. Big does not mean famous.
It means the energy is right for your child.
For one family, enormous BBSE might be an academically ambitious city school with extraordinary performing arts, orchestras, debating and a calendar so full you need an app and three colour codes to understand it.
For another family, BBSE might be a boarding house full of country kids, an active ag club, somewhere to leave dirty work boots and a Head of Boarding who understands that when you say you’re mustering, shearing or in the middle of harvest, you’re not describing a quaint family hobby.
Neither is better.
One is simply better for you.
And this is where I think parents can sometimes get tangled up in choosing a boarding school.
We ask, Which is the best school?
Wrong question.
Ask:
Where will my child feel most like themselves?
Where will their particular brand of funny, quiet, loud, curious, sporty, horsey, musical, academic, practical, creative or wonderfully odd be understood?
Where will they find their people?
And perhaps just as importantly, where will you find yours?
Because boarding school is a family relationship. You are handing a school an enormous privilege. They will be there for thousands of tiny moments you won’t be there to see.
So yes, compare the fees. Read the academic results. Tour the facilities. Ask about weekend activities, pastoral care, homesickness, subject choices, sport, transport and everything else on your beautifully organised spreadsheet.
Then put the spreadsheet away for five minutes.
Stand there.
Watch.
Listen.
Feel the energy.
And ask yourself the least measurable but possibly most useful question of the entire boarding school search:
Does this place have our BBSE?
You’ll probably know the answer before you reach the car.
